I decided to write this article because I have seen so many
submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be
dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin anyone's dreams, or
turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain how
things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful
life. It's everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever
expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my
decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the
purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a
24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a
female slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude
Dommes or male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal
experience. This is just my view from my own real-time experience.
First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about
yourself. Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7?
Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want
to role-play only during certain times. There are many ways this
activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for
you.
Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out
what you will and will not do, and what is a "maybe." Search inside
yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to
anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something long-term that you know
you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions.
The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you
can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of
how it should be.
Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone
else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into
this relationship only for the time agreed upon that the Master would
have the total control. Once the scene is over, everything returns to
normal.
Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider
this. The Master, who's collar you will eventually wear, may only
like classical or another type of music that you don't enjoy. Are
you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to His
music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you
currently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and
my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of His preferences, I rarely
get to listen to my songs. But, when I am a good girl, at times, He
does permit me to listen to my choice of music, as long as I get my
assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, "permitted to."
Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for me. It
is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little
pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many
areas of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about
anywhere anything!
Is there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors and
scents you wouldn't be caught without? If your Master doesn't
approve of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with
colors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out
for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by His
choices? If He asked you to wear something very skimpy to someplace
simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation?
I am lucky in the fact that my Master lets me chose my own clothes
most of the time. But at anytime, should He decide that He wants me
to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does
exercise this right. I have learned to always ask Him what He would
like me to wear if we are going someplace special.
Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please
your Master? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your
collar as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will
no longer own anything. From the time you take His collar,
everything will be His. It will no longer be "your" car or "your"
clothes, but "His," on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so
choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will
be His choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all
rights to make these choices for yourself.
You have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk?>
Your Master will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor.
He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them
spread wide-open. You will have to ask permission to even climb into
bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a cushion on the
floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little
else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your
Master.
It's been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing
more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won't be
able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you
from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare
His meal, and go to bed when He tells you to. Retiring for bed
usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There
will not be an "I am too tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of
the kind. Unless your Master has excused you from your tasks and
chores, you will remain responsible for making sure His needs and
wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your
Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be
to take care of and protect His possessions, you being the most
prized He owns. As long as you let your Master know how you are
feeling, He will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to
your capabilities.
Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service
their Master at His whim. They never consider other aspects. The
main part of being a slave is to be of service to your Master, and
not to be serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to
Him at ALL times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse
"not tonight dear, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s
relationship. In order to provide Him pleasure, you must also express
to Him the pleasure of the moment for you as well. NEVER make your
Master feel this is a chore to you: something you would rather not
do, but will only because you have to. If your Master tells you to
do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You will be
required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if
this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for
permission to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this
will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is
important to ask in a way so as not to question His authority, but at
the same time to satisfy your curiosity
Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude?
Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again.
Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is
not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. YOURS! You
are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Master.
You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but
because you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship
there will be times you will be forced to do something, but it will
never be something that goes against who you are. Your Master may
feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person
you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.
How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you
are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything,
and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Master
does not wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be
told how things should be. Learning when and how to say things will
become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your
Master when something is bothering you, then you have no right
whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent He may
seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him, He won't know.
The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.
Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you
tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won't be
able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks
your Master will assign that He expects to be done in a timely
fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master's wants and needs will
be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to self-control.
Your ability to follow through and complete assignments made by your
Master will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able
to control your own actions well enough to be able to remain within
the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can't do something,
simply, you can't. Doing it anyway and not telling Him doesn't make
it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship, what he
doesn't know CAN hurt you, as well as the relationship you have
worked so hard to build. Even a simple "white lie" can destroy the
trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.
As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between
the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before
entering into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish,
but it will become important that you do so. Your Master will ensure
all your "needs" are taken care of, but the "wants" will be His to
allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that
are required in order for us to remain mentally and physically
healthy. They allow us to grow emotionally and spiritually. If you
can survive without something, then it is a want. Wants are usually
given as a reward for good behavior.
In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to
accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life
will be to see to your Master's pleasure (both mentally and
physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to do this, you
will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and
displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn
that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to cater to
His every need and desire without being pushy. His needs and desires
will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional
support, and many other things unique to Him. Remember - physical
does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but are not
limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors for
examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures
are met in every way. Think of the five senses, and make His
environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing
thing in His environment should be you.
As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your
Master. He should not have to ask constantly for the basic things -
you should have learned them. If His glass is empty, quietly and
unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for His
pleasure not your own. Just because He does not notice and praise you
doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He
comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then you have done well,
and should bask in His content. Always remember that you do this for
Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your happiness should come
from serving Him and His being happy.
As I said in the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare
you away from the world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when
you enter this lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully
knowing what to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will
have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things you
just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair. These are
habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a
Master.
Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably
true. Being a slave is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care
of. Most decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Master.
But, many choices will still be left up to you. Most Masters want a
slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own.
There is no pleasure in owning a doormat that just sits or is only
walked upon. He would become bored very fast in that type of
relationship. Being your self is the best advice I was given, and I
have found this to be absolutely true for me.
You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more
if you enter this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are
meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that where you once only
walked through life, you will now be gliding on air. Parts of you
that never were complete will become whole. In relinquishing control,
I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.
It is my hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to
make a more informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never
forget that one of the most important requirements for existing in
this lifestyle is honesty, be honest with yourself first. However,
you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn
to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter your
servitude with clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want
to be. When you accept your Master's collar, you give up all your
rights. Your friends, your life - nothing will remain yours. Being a
slave means giving up so much more than you would if you were only
being submissive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn't
just a word; it's a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my
friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to
love being in it.
Reproduced by kind permission of ©Ricks's miria (miria_hunter@softhome.net)
©tiana 2000-2005
