An Essay Copyright Screamer, 1999 All rights reserved
Don't even think about using this without my written permission.
For those of us who came of age in BDSM in the computer age, there seems
to be some discrepancy between the realities and the fantasies of this
lifestyle.
I'm your Auntie Screamer, and I'm here to help clear those up for you.
Pay attention. I'm only going to say this once.
1. You do have rights. You have the right to walk away. If you believe
otherwise, it's time for a dip in the reality pool.
2. No one can keep up a 24/7 lifestyle for long without a break for
comedy relief, and a swift dose of kids, family, work and car problems.
3. No man has an erection continuously. Unless they're priaptic, in
which case, a doctor's visit is in order.
4. There is such a thing as PMS, and no amount of Domming is going to
make it go away.
5. A chainsaw is not a sex toy.
6. Your cyber safeword is the off button on the front of your computer.
Use it.
7. There *is* going to be a time when you don't feel like having sex.
It *does* happen. Prepare yourself mentally for it.
8. 24/7 is not a myth. 24/7 in chains, naked and kneeling is.
9. There will come a time when you see your Dominant scratching himself,
belching and in need of a shower. Prepare yourself for that as well.
10. No one understands your collar but you. Showing it off at Safeway
isn't exactly a statement.
11. The distance is not insurmountable. It is inconvenient and irritating,
and it will grate on your nerves unless you fill your time with other
things.
12. Eventually, you're going to have to take those cuffs off to take the
kids to the doctor. Get used to it.
13. Speaking of doctors, tell yours what you're into, or be prepared to
deal with social services on a regular basis.
14. You really don't need another flogger. What you need is a new
microwaves and a pair of hundred dollar tennis shoes for your teenager.
Know when to say when to the toy bag.
15. People get sick. People die. Use a condom, please, unless you've been
tested twice in the last year, and so has your partner.
16. Don't walk away from your friends. You might well need them later,
when your dream Dominant turns into a frog.
17. If you want something, ask. Ask respectfully, ask in role, ask in
good faith. But ask. If you don't, chances are, you ain't gonna get it.
18. Just because you call yourself a slave doesn't mean that others will
agree with your definition. Be prepared to defend your views, but don't
bark at others for their opinions. They have a right to them, same as you
do.
19. Don't believe everything you read, especially if it comes from John
Norman.
20. Just because the screen name says Master doesn't mean he is one.
21. Find a way to orgasm without BDSM. You may need that someday.
22. Safecalls work. Use them.
23. There are things you won't do. Trust me. Maybe you just haven't been
asked to do them yet.
24. This ain't always all about sex. Don't expect to get a nut every
time you play. Then you won't be disappointed when it happens to you.
Orgasms are nice, but not mandatory.
25. People are not always nice. You will not play at every party you
attend. You will get hurt non-consensually sometimes.
26. Your Dominant is not a mind reader.
27. Forever is not as long as you might think. Sometimes, it's just
until she changes her mind again.
28. The Mistress is not always dressed in thigh highs and hose. The
Dominant does not always have his flogger nearby. Sometimes, it's time
for sweat pants and hot cocoa.
29. An argument is not the end of the world. Not resolving it, however,
might be.
30. Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck. A beating is just a beating. And
a kiss is just a kiss. Enjoy it, remember it, and move along.
I hope you've enjoyed your dip in the reality pool. Wipe your feet before
going back in the house, and don't drip on my new parquet floors.
Auntie Screamer, RealityVixen at large.
If you enjoyed this article, more of Screamer Girl's writings can be found at
Screamer's Verbosities
©tiana 2000-2005
