Once upon a time, there was a woman with a lot of general experience of
life who decided that she needed to explore her submissive nature. She
took the plunge and placed a personal advert on a BDSM site. Over the next
couple of weeks she received many replies and chatted briefly by phone
with some of the respondents. Eventually, she decided that there was one
she would follow up.
This person (let's call him X) seemed to be everything she was looking for.
He had a firm, yet gentle, approach that took account of her inexperience;
he always seemed to know exactly how to deal with any reluctance, fear or
hesitation she displayed and he had a very good sense of humour.
After a few calls, she asked X for his home address and where he worked
and this information was volunteered freely. X even told her that he could
be found on the electoral roll as confirmation of his address. Many calls
later, X suggested a meeting.
He volunteered to travel to her town, so that she would be in familiar
surroundings, and said he would book into a hotel for the night and was
not going to assume that anything would happen, other than them meeting
in a restaurant for dinner. He even asked her to book the hotel for him,
so that she could be certain it had been done. He insisted that they would
meet for dinner at a restaurant away from the hotel, so that she would not
have to go to the hotel and possibly feel some unconscious pressure from
being there with him. He happily agreed when she told him that she would
be setting up some safe calls to be made during the course of the evening.
So far, so good she thought.
Then, one day, she received an expected call from him and certain things
he told her about his life began to ring warning bells in her head. A quick
trawl through some of the Internet business directories soon turned up the
firm X said he worked for - but the description of it didn't match the one
he had given at all. A phone call, asking to speak to him, provided
conclusive evidence that although he did work for them, it was as something
totally different from the way he had described himself. A call to the
Electoral Registration department of his local council confirmed his address
- and the fact that there was another - female - person listed there.
By this time, she really didn't need to go any further, but she rang X's
home telephone number and, using a little guile, established that the lady
who answered was his wife. Needlessto say, she immediately terminated the
relationship and informed the webmaster of the Personals site.
The whole experience left a very nasty taste in her mouth and she now feels
very reluctant to carry on trying to find a Dominant who will help her
fulfil her needs. She is very angry that she found X so plausible and asks
herself over and over again why she was initially taken in by him. There
is a strong sense of distaste that she had divulged intimate & personal
information about herself, but when she decides that she is ready to try
again, she will be better prepared to do so, and so can you be!
There are many Internet sites offering valuable information on safety -
read and take note of them and put into practice the advice they give!
Here are a few pointers for those important early stages.
- If the Dom/me you are talking to won't happily give you his/her home
telephone number and address once you decide to 'get serious' - say
goodbye!
- Once you have got those details, don't just accept the fact that
they were offered - check them. If the Dom/me is genuine, they will
understand why you are doing this and will respect your need to do so.
- Don't even make arrangements for a first meeting until you have checked
those facts. If you have made arrangements and then find out that the
Dom/me isn't who they said they are, the sense of letdown is that much
worse.
- Do not give in to pressure to give out even your telephone number, let
alone your address, until you are entirely happy to do so. A genuine
Dom/me won't object to this.
- If you think that the Dom/me has given you any inconsistent information,
ask them about it. If you are not 100% happy with their reply - say
goodbye!
- Try if possible to find out if there is any chemistry
between you and them without divulging too much intimate information at
first.
- Listen to your intuition, as well as to your common sense- don't think
with your genitals! remember - as the submissive partner, you are the
one potentially in physical danger. You are submissive - not stupid -
you have every right to take whatever steps are needed to protect yourself.
Communication, honesty and trust are the cornerstones of any D/s relationship -
never forget that.
The woman in this story (and it's a true story) was fortunate that the
truth about X came to light before any real harm was done. The only
battering she received was emotional. Maybe X would have been a perfect
D/s partner to play with - but would you want to put your mind and body
at the disposal of a liar? I doubt it.
If such an unlucky experience happens to you, take the time to look back
over it and think carefully about what you could have done differently.
Take some more time before you try again - don't try and seek a partner
if you are feeling either emotionally vulnerable or embittered by a past
experience. And don't give up - there are many genuine Dom/mes out there!
A true story contributed by ©Morrigan
©tiana 2000-2005
