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- you have more toys than your kids
- someone refers to a serial killer as a sadist and you roll your eyes
- there's enough rope in your bedroom to scale Mount Everest
- vanilla means anything but a flavouring for ice cream
- you keep fake hanging plants around the house, just so your mother will
never know what all those hooks in the ceiling are for
- you speak of crop rotation with someone, and they aren't a farmer
- someone tries to talk you out of your blind date by saying he's sick
and sadistic and you perk, and think mmmmmm inteesting
- you watch a film where someone gets tied up and scream at the screen,
"aw give me a break, even my top could get out of that"
- you take up macrame, just to learn some new knots
- you have a list by the phone for the babysitter....Doctor,
family, and 3 24-hour locksmiths
- start rating your CDs by how interesting they would be to beat someone
to
- someone mentions they like to tie flys.....and you sit and think
to yourself...ykiokinmk....before you realize they mean fishing flys
- you volunteer to be arrested, just for the handcuffs and body cavity
search
- Avon tells you stop writing, they are not going to make eau d'leather
aftershave
- you can't pass a candle factory without drooling
- you walk around the supermarket looking for things
that are pervertable
- the local leather craft shop offers you a business account
- you've got a toy box bigger than the one in your 5 year old
childs bedroom
- your children ask if they can borrow your costumes for Halloween
- you become a locksmith to avoid having to make embarassing calls
at 2 A.M.
- the local B&Q has set you up with a business account...and you are
not a contractor or an electrician
- you can't pass by an iron fence without drooling
- you know the location of every tack shop within driving distance
- you nearly cause an accident pulling into where the sign advertises
FREE TODAY HOT WAX before you realize it's for cars
- your attitude is "electricity, not just a utility, but a way of life"
- you spend more time on your knees than a Catholic priest
- you move to another city, and the hardware store in your old town
goes out of business because you don't buy there anymore.
- you chose your last car based on the location of the garment hooks
and hanging straps
- you buy clothes pegs in the supersize family economy bags, and you
don't have a family or a washing line
- turning the switch on has precious little to do with making the lights
come on when you enter the room
- getting tattooed and pierced is merely foreplay
- someone calls your wife a slut and you thank them
- you take advantage of the needle exchange programme in your
city and you have never used intravenous drugs in your entire life
- the first thing you check when looking for a new car is whether the
boot can hold one bound submissive or two
- when you're told your brother-in-law is pussy-whipped, it takes you a
moment to realize that doesn't necessarily mean he's transgendered
- your favorite letter of the alphabet is O
- your toilet seat is leather
- nose to the grindstone is an orgasmic abrasion fantasy
- investing in stocks and bonds means refurbishing the play area
- your children think your primary language is acronyms
- you overhear your neighbour training his dog to sit, beg, play
dead, roll over; and find yourself obeying quicker than the dog does
- you refer to your fully equipped van as Squeals on Wheels
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