I think that the popular conception of BDSM being about Domination, rape and
torture, sado-masochism and fetish clothing, misses at least half of what
BDSM is about. It misses out the joy of submission, of giving and doing
things for someone, about how happy the slaves are in their M/s
relationships, about how much more fulfilling it is serving and pleasing a
Dominant, than it is to spend lots of time, money and energy going shopping,
how it makes much more sense to be Master's slave rather than a fashion
slave (perhaps that's the idea behind the collars!) or a diet slave or a
drug culture slave etc.
IMHO a big problem is that submissiveness is really looked down on in the
outside world. It is a vanilla myth that everyone wants power and to be in
control, I also think it's a myth that we're all basically selfish. I think
we are social animals and it's healthier for us to do things for the benefit
of our loved ones, the group, of society, of the species and of the world.
Being so selfish is actually very unfilling. I am happiest doing things for
other people.
I think a big part of the struggle is for the submissive point
of view to be listenned to and understood, then people could see that the
Dominants weren't terrible, selfish, cold, uncaring people but actually were
very important to the happiness of the submissives.
It strikes me that a lot
of BDSM imagery is based on society's view that no one in their right mind
wants to be a submissive/slave, they have to be whipped or chained into it,
and the fear is that given enough rope they'll want to become Dominants (I
think Dom and sub both have to work at being "kept in their place!").
I think it is important for submissive people and slaves to speak out about
how happy they are and what they get out of it, even in small ways, even if
people are rather sceptical at first. A very personal opinion is that the
voices of slaves shouldn't be silenced. I'm not in a lifestyle relationship
myself, but I think if part of it is that a slave is not allowed to speak
out in a public way, people will never understand lifestyle slaves. I think
if people were more understanding about the people involved in the more
extreme ends of BDSM, people would be more accepting of the milder things
that go on.
Becoming involved in BDSM in the first place is a struggle, writing to this
newsgroup, coming out to a friend, going to a munch, organising a munch,
explaining things to your husband, attending SM pride, it's all a struggle.
Of course once you've overcome one struggle you can move on to the next (but
Rome wasn't built in a day and all that!). The more people do it, the more
chance there is of BDSM being more acceptable.
Another very personal opinion
is that having beautiful femsubs around (no, I'm definitely not thinking
about myself!) is a real positive boon and I think their points of view
carry a lot of weight (that's why I'm such a big Princess Di fan!).
© 2000 elle finn, March 2000
©tiana 2000-2005
